But, maybe

Have you ever met someone and they are oh-so-cute, check off a lot of your boxes— preferred height, cool career, exciting hobbies, close to their family, like the obscure think you like too—, but there are also red flags? Maybe a lot of them? When you saw the red flags, did you hear your brain go, "But….maybe…?"

The above scenario is what I like to call, "but maybe" disease. It's a dangerous disease as it will cause you to justify all sorts of red flags. They are 6 weeks out of a long term relationship? But, maybe they are ready for something serious right now! They already have a partner? But maybe they will love me more. You get the point. But, maybe disease will steer you in the direction of unavailable partners and keep you there waiting for the writing on the wall to change. However, the writing on the wall won't change because what needs to change is YOU looking past red flags.

How do you combat, "but, maybe" disease? First, the awareness that you tend to look past red flags. Second, we are only as sick as our secrets. If you catch yourself justifying red flags or even questioning if something is a red flag or not, check-in with a friend or coach or therapist. The disease will tell you to isolate and that, "you can figure this out on your own," which will mean you will keep justifying. Tell your trusted support system about the red flag you see and let them give you a clearer perspective. Ask them if the red flag is, in fact, red. Then ask them to remind you why you need to walk away and hold your hand if needed.

Good news! There is a cure for the "but maybe disease," and it's standing your worth, holding BOUNDARIES, saying no when needed, and never settling for less than what you want. The cure is also knowing that you don't want the partner who is unavailable. You want someone emotionally available, ready to commit, and who wants to show up for you. No justification needed.