Alright, we are getting into it...online dating. The good, the bad, the ugly and the how-to-sane while online dating.
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Do you a have person or multiple people in your life who you've wondered "will we, won't we" about? You pretend that you guys are friends but, in reality you aren't and it's more about the two of you keeping tabs on the other and around, just in case. Like a back up. Or background noise? Background noise can make us feel less lonely--whether we are working from home and we have the TV on in the background to give us the sense of being around people or keeping potential partners hovering in the background of our lives so we have the illusion of an option.
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Once upon a time, I was dating a truly wonderful guy. I hadn't written a list down for the partner I was looking for at that time but, if I had, he would have been the whole thing. He treated me like a Queen, was romantic without me asking, loved me and had his shit together. He was fantastic. Yet, I constantly complained to him about him not doing this or that enough. When we broke up, he told me he felt like nothing he did was enough. It wasn't. However, it wasn't because of something he wasn't doing. It was because of something I wasn't doing.
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Let's talk about sex. Actually, let's talk about the part of sex no one wants to talk about- STD's and HIV. Sexy!
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Have you ever felt like you won't be able to attract a partner in until you lose 10lbs, tone up, do more squats to lift your butt? I have. Not only is it a lie, it's also a huge block to finding real, lasting love. For years, when I saw a cute guy I would immediately dismiss him finding me attractive because I was too, insert perceived body flaw, and would immediately shut down energetically. Shutting down energetically made me feel small and I literally shrank away and out of this person's view. My limited belief was the guy would only see my flaws and therefore find me not good enough.
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Dating is weird...prickly even. See what I did there? All kidding aside, I was single for 8 years in New York and dated A LOT. I've had 1,000 (rough estimate) first dates and probably had my heart broken as many times. NYC is a tough place to look for love. When I was about to move to New York, I read a magazine article that said if I was looking for a husband to move to Denver because I wouldn't find one in NYC. I believe I know the reason why.
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The terms "breaking up" typically conjures up feelings of resentment, hurt, drama and all around icky feelings. Am I right? In my past, breakups were very dramatic, left both parties in pieces and burned a lot of bridges. I didn't realize there was any other way to do it.
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Do you ever feel like you have to stand still to find love? I sure did. It's part of the reason I put off traveling for so long. It felt very scary to leave and be nomadic when I wasn't already in a relationship. It is, of course, the irony of the Universe that the moment I went traveling, I found my partner and entered into a beautiful 7 month relationship. The thing I was fearful would prevent me from finding love is exactly how I found it!
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I have been back in the states for exactly one month and one day. This past month, I've gotten really quiet, gotten out in nature as much as possible so, I could integrate my trip as best I can. Last year I learned that giving myself space after transformative events is essential to my well being. If I don't give myself a pause to rest, reset and let all the new knowledge sink in after transformation then the changes get put on hold or on the back burner. Nothing is ever lost but, it just takes a whole heck of a lot longer to begin applying what was learned. So, I've allowed for the integrating.
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When I was younger and right up until last year actually, I believed that because I wasn't the kind of writer I wanted to be in that moment, I never would be. I thought if I wasn't born Fitzgerald, Elizabeth Gilbert, Zadie Smith or Nicole Kraus then what's the point? I couldn't be a writer because I clearly didn't have the natural born talent of the writers I admire most. I created this road block in my mind and no matter how many detours I took, I couldn't get past it. The road block inevitably stopped me. My grammar is C + at best and my spelling isn't great without spell check so, as a result my sentences are clunky. I let this hinder me and told my dream of being a writer to go wither and die somewhere because it wasn't going to happen for me.
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I have been home for three weeks and I cannot believe it! When I got home it felt...anticlimactic. The momentum of my trip came to a screeching halt and even though I had done/seen so much, it felt like I came home empty handed.
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When I booked my ticket to Australia, it took all my self control to not tell Guy. We would talk everyday and he would ask about my plans after Bali.
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Bali is a tropical paradise. From the moment we stepped off the plane, sleep deprived (why do I fly red eyes?!) and weary, I was in love.
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Our journey to Hampi was a perilous journey. There are three ways to get to Hampi from Goa; train, bus and renting a car to drive there yourself. We
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We left the Ashram the day after Amma did. We were making our way to Goa and it was going to be a long bike ride. 750km long.
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Our first ride was oh, so sweet. Right out of the gate, as we were leaving Varkala, we stumbled upon a secret surfing spot.
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Our train to Varkala above--alright, we did buy bicycles to ride but, I really wanted a Indian train experience. We decided to take our bikes on the train to Varkala and then we would ride from Varkala to Mumbai (we had three months).
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India. The country that has been calling me for years. When I finally stepped off the plane and had answered her siren song, it felt like I was crossing an important threshold.
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In total we stayed in Hanoi for 2 months. We rented two different apartments and settled into everyday life. It had always been a dream of mine to live in a different county…
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The visa situation in Vietnam is very easy, once you get the hang of navigating it. I originally got a month Visa for $40 and when Guy arrived in Hanoi, it was close to being expired.
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