Now what?

Last week, on my Instagram I posted about the importance of getting tested for HIV/STDs. It’s a topic I feel extremely passionate about because I felt so terrified for so long about getting tested and my sexual health in general. The thought of contracting an STD would keep me up at night. Would it mean I was dirty? Would it mean I was a slut? Would I have to tell all my partners? How the hell would I tell them if I tested positive for an STI or STD and would they hate me?

Luckily, my self worth is higher now and I can have the sexual health talk much more easily and feel much more comfortable asking when my partner was last tested and what the results were and I feel more comfortable speaking up to protect myself. I wanted to make sure anyone reading this is getting there too. Knowing your sexual health and protecting it is self-care and helps you step more into your self-worth. I also wanted to share about what to do if you do test positive for an STI/STD and how to have the convo with partners.

If you test positive for an STI/STD I want you to know your life is not over. You are not dirty. You are not a slut. Your worth does not lower because you contracted an STI/STD. Okay? Repeat that over and over. You are still a worthy, beautiful, deserving of love human being! You will still be able to find relationships and have a satisfying sexual life. You do need to have one or more uncomfortable conversations about testing positive for an STI/STD, but you can do it!

How to tell a partner:

It will be tempting to not say anything to a partner or past partners, but it is the lack of communication that got you into this in the first place. Let open communication take you out. Sexual health will only become more openly discussed if we all decide to do brave things and TALK ABOUT IT.If you test positive for an STI/STD here’s what you can say to past partners or current:

*note, I recommend doing this over a phone call if you’re talking to a past partner or in person with a current partner. I know it will feel nerve-racking, but sexual health is sensitive and I think the respect of a phone call is nice. However. if you can’t make yourself pick up the phone a text is better than nothing.

Who do you need to tell: You need to let anyone you slept with (oral, vaginal and anal—chlamydia and gonorrhea can be passed through oral sex) since last getting tested. If you had never been tested before then all past partners and anyone you are currently sleeping with too. Remember on Sex and the City where Miranda had to make a list of all her partners and then call each one to let them know how she had chlamydia? Be like Miranda.

Past partner:

“Hey x, I recently got tested for STI’s/STD’s and the test came back positive for x. My doctor gave me x for treatment and recommended I reached out to past partners to allow them to get tested for their sexual health. Have you been tested recently? If not, I recommend going to get tested. I know x about this STD. Do you have any questions for me?”

Current partner:

“I need to share something with you. I recently got tested for STD/STI’s and the test came back positive for x. Here’s all the information the doctor gave me. The doctor also recommended you get tested so you can begin treatment ASAP. When was the last time you were tested? I’m feeling x (freaked out, nervous to tell them, scared they will be upset, etc) and would love your support through this. How are you feeling?”

And there you have it. It’s a tough convo to have, but one that is INCREDIBLY important. The more we get comfortable having conversations around sexual health the less likely we will be spreading STD/STI’s without knowing it.

If you’ve tested positive for an STD/STI and are feeling scared, lost, confused and not sure what to do reach out for support. You can find support through a counselor at a clinic, a therapist or a trusted friend. You are not alone and do not have to go through this alone!

Here are a few clinics in the NYC area:

Ryan Nena Clinic- LES - low-income STD screening available

AFH— offers free HIV testing + free STD testing at many locations all over the NYC area

Planned Parenthood— affordable clinic for STD screening + HIV testing + gyno appointments

Photo: Pinterest