Toxic relationship ending

Q: I just recently got out of a toxic relationship and am wondering about the next steps for moving forward and on with my life.

A: First, I am so sorry you went through a tough relationship dynamic. I’ve been there and it’s a lot to come out of and move through. Second, I’m proud of you for getting out of a toxic situation! Third, it’s huge your focused on moving forward versus wanting to get back together or maintain the closeness with your ex. My first piece of advice is to celebrate yourself for making a healthy decision and now looking to move forward. Do the best you can to not get caught up in the, “well, I didn’t do it sooner” rhetoric. You got out now and that’s what counts so we celebrate that fact!

Obviously, I recommend cutting off all contact. Block their number if you need to— never a dramatic or mean move, it’s simply a you-taking-care-of-you move, and unfollow them on social. Create distance from them so you can genuinely have the space to move forward.

Next, I would advise you to journal about the relationship as a whole. How did it feel in the beginning? Were there any shifts? When did you know you wanted to leave the relationship? Why did you continue to stay? Were you communicating your needs directly? If no, why not? What were/are your complaints about the relationship? Etc, etc. Really get everything out on paper and start to pull out any patterns you see. This is your work for moving forward! As you pull the patterns/themes out this is giving you a roadmap on what’s happening inside of you right now and areas you can strengthen. For example, if you realized you didn’t communicate your needs directly to your partner, you can begin to do the work to understand your needs and communicate them with friends/family. Look at the reasons why you didn’t? What were the fears underneath the clamming up?

Relationships are mirrors. They show us where we are in any given moment and allow us the opportunity to deepen our growth. Use this experience to continue your growth and deepen your understanding of self. This will help you find more clarity as to why you got into the relationship and how you can choose differently for your next relationship.

Photo: iconicpairings